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I’m really tired of worrying about things. Some things are out of my control. Some things can be changed. It’s hard to know the difference and this is starting to sound like the serenity prayer. Gross.

Life can be going great and I still have this feeling of doom, like something bad is about to happen. It puts me on edge. It’s hard to enjoy success or relationships if you are just scared it’s going to all disappear one day and leave you broken. Again. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve been hurt before but that’s not an excuse. I need to figure my shit out. I need to let myself really enjoy things without constantly reminding myself of how it might not last. Statistically, the odds are not in my favor. See, why do I think like this? It’s exhausting.

In a sense, I’ve trained myself to be critical of any situation. History tends to repeat itself but there’s an emotional and less rational side to people that likes to weigh in, too. That’s the part that keeps fighting for love or keeps fighting to achieve a goal that most others don’t think is possible. That part of me has given me a new life. I’m doing what I love and have been able to find love.

So why can’t I fully embrace it all? Why is the analytical side of me nagging when I’m feeling happy? I need to learn how to take a deep breath and let it be. “The secret” is a bunch of bullshit but there’s something to the psychology of “what you think about you bring about”. If you’re determined to fail, you will.  I guess thinking skeptically isn’t always a good thing. 

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